


Crushed Hopes

by Lucyh95



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hange can’t sleep either, Levi can’t sleep, Set after the 57th expedition, Sort Of, They talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29030541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucyh95/pseuds/Lucyh95
Summary: It was two days after the 57th expedition that Levi found himself staring aimlessly into an empty teacup. It was long past midnight, and he couldn't sleep, his insomnia being even worse than usual. And that was saying something.
Relationships: Levi & Hange Zoë
Kudos: 11





	Crushed Hopes

It was two days after the 57th expedition that Levi found himself staring aimlessly into an empty teacup. It was long past midnight, and he couldn't sleep, his insomnia being even worse than usual. And that was saying something. The endless workload of paperwork that came with the disastrous expedition also did not help. And most of all, his leg hurt like hell. Well, not most of all, but he was not going there tonight if he could help it. And he nearly laughed at the irony. Because _fuck_ , who was he kidding? When every empty room, every bit of quiet, each empty chair reminded him—mocked him with his helplessness.

Because if he had just—

He abruptly pushed away from the table, chair scraping over the ground, the noise piercing through the silence. His foot got caught in his clumsy haste. The pain that followed emitted a burst of stars on his eyelids, mouth quickly filling with sour-tasting saliva. "Shit!" He got up, staggering for a second before finding his balance again.

_Pathetic. Fuck._

He was just— _shit_.

"You alright?"

He turned abruptly, leg throbbing, head aching, not having heard anyone approach, which did not happen often. The flash of annoyance was brief.

Hange was in the door opening, leaning against the jamb with a slightly concerned expression. Clothes wrinkled, and her hair in a messy ponytail, ink spreading her right cheek.

He turned away from her stiffly but didn't give her an answer.

Hange strolled past him. "You have not eaten anything yet, have you?"

Shrugging, he slowly turned back to the chair, scowling at the damn thing. "Is that of your concern now?"

"Mmh." Now it was her turn to shrug, digging into one of the cupboards looking for God knew what. "Sometimes."

He said nothing and sat down instead.

"I could warm up some of the left-overs from this evening for you?"

"I'm not hungry." It came out clipped. He touched his cold and empty cup. "Tea is better."

Hange straightened, brushing a few hairs out of her face. "Food is important too, you know. The nutrients that your body requires—"

Levi shut her up quickly. "Ok, quit it. I don't need your fucking lecture, alright." Looking away he sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. “I'm so fucking tired."

Hange said nothing. And it suited him just fine.

He was sunken deep in thought, but when she put down a fresh cup of hot tea, he mumbled a thank you. Black tea; his favorite.

Hange sat down across him, spoon in one hand, bowl before her on the table with a murky substance that Levi assumed was beans, onions, and potato. Apparently, she did not feel the need to bully him into eating it too.

_Not this night._

He let out a sigh, the flavor of black tea on his tongue. But even then, the malty taste was not able to wash away the bitterness at the back of his throat. But that was nothing new, anyway.

After a while, it was at last him who broke the calm between them. He had not planned on saying anything, _but—_

"Her father." He had to clear his throat, and Hange looked up from her now half-empty bowl. "The man came up to me and— _Fuck_." Levi rubbed at his eyes, feeling the strain.

And Hange paused, slowly putting down her spoon.

He swallowed, suddenly feeling the need for more tea. He clutched the once again empty and cold teacup. _Or maybe he needed a drink_. God, he sometimes wished he could get drunk.

"He was talking about fucking marriage." He rasped out at last.

It felt like someone had to squeeze the words out of him.

Levi did not look at her, but he felt her gaze. The stain on the table was much more interesting, after all. _They need to_ _fucking_ _clean this shit better._ It was a fleeting thought.

He could not help it, could not help but recall the man's expression as he had come up to him. A face full of despair—a display so familiar—barely masked behind a smile that was so very close to shattering.

Breaking into tiny pieces and—

And Levi had smashed it.

He recoiled.

_You fucking idiot._

"Levi."

His leg was throbbing again.

"Mmh, what is it." He still did not look her in the eye.

She moved her position, bending forward, hands clasping together in a tight grip and meal forgotten. "It was not your fault. You know that, right."

He said nothing. There was nothing to say here, after all. He got up and prepared another cup of tea instead.

Nevertheless, the tea would not rinse away his guilt. It would not help anything at all. Not one tiny fucking bit.

_It would not bring them back._

Tiredly, he wiped some stray hairs from his forehead and sat down again. He wrapped his stiff fingers once more around the warmed rim and gazed at the table; the ache in his leg was now somewhere at the back of his mind, the discomfort lingering there, remaining like a nagging reminder.

* * *

His leg pulsated in time with his heartbeat, the reins of his horse frozen between his cold fingers. It was heartbreaking. It was horrendous. And it was familiar; it was the sort of view that made Levi want to put punch something. _Hard_. Take a swing till all that was left behind was just numbness and split and bloody knuckles.

The man standing before him was weeping now; the smiling mask torn, shattered into dust, and blown away by the slight breeze that sent a chill down his back.

_Hope crushed, like the ones left behind._

He did not flinch, did not do anything.

Levi could not do anything.

He just waited.


End file.
